msterling45's Blog

is metal, bluegrass, and spacy indie music (think progressive twee)

everything else seems so ordinary and played out

i'm wondering if i've hit this stage in my life where i'm starting to despise everything that is considered 'normal' or 'socially accepted'

i've been reading a lot of Malachi Martin's stuff and i'm seeing my religious beliefs tying into the ideals of the Jesuit-Marxists

being a protestant for the past 25 years seems so bland and unimportant - i'm surrounded by people who are only christians as a facade - the people i know who are truly fervent in the spirit are shunned by the congregation, ministry, and oversears of the church system

that being said, since moving to NC i've been playing with a praise and worship band and i actually really enjoy it - we've decided to take a more hard-rock approach to things and we seem to be hitting social walls at every turn

as f*cking ridiculous as it sounds, i feel good rockin' for jesus - i still feel like we should get harder and faster and alienate ourselves even more to the surrounding so-called christian community so that we can reach people who might really need it

Christ was never a follower of the status-quo

I want to put on Tool's '10,000 Days' - put it on repeat

I want to turn off all the lights

I want to fuck

I want to cuddle

I want to kiss

I want to fuck some more

I want to sleep

i received a message while i was at the gym:

EPArsineh

Hello,

The inappropriate comments you've posted on Suvana's recent story have been removed.

Personal attacks on individuals are not acceptable.  EP is a positive space and I am confident that you will not repeat this behavior.

I understand that your story comments were driven by the belief that Suvana's story was false.  That is your decision to make, but harassing the member is unacceptable.

As an active member of our community we hope that you will refrain from continuing this behavior because we otherwise very much value your other contributions to our community.

If you have any questions, please let me know.

 

the response i wrote him:

EPArsineh,

I understand your course of action was the result of pressure from a member or members. I understand that you are doing your job.

I ask you, where is the EP team when I am at the end of a personal attack?

I merely said that I didn't believe the story and pointed out that the woman (if she is indeed a woman) uses poor grammar, spelling and punctuation.

As a result of that, I was the subject of name calling and personal harassment on the thread and in private messages.

I was under the impression that the Experience Project encouraged us to speak our minds and be true to ourselves.

From now on, I will attempt to censor myself if I have anything further to contribute to this community.

Sincerely,
msterling45

 

if i have to censor myself then there is no point in being on this site

people on this site post lewd pics of them sh*tting and p*ssing themselves

people make constant unwelcomed sexual advances on this site

people sexually harass children on this site

people write depraved, racist comments on this site

and i get censored

 

unbelievable

Missliss:

"Msterling, I never had a problem with you but I hate coming across blatant bullying and rudeness on EP. You take care now..Have a good night."

she then blocked me

Ironic?

I know all about your standards
And if you don't mind my sayin' so
There's not a man alive
Who could hope to measure up to that blend'a
Paul Bunyan, Saint Pat and Noah Webster
You've got concocted for yourself outta your Irish imagination,
Your Iowa stubbornness, and your liberry fulla' books!

 

-Mrs. Paroo, 'The Music Man'

it's true!!! impossible standards are everywhere

the music man is the best musical ever

so i'm gonna continue to drink and make some hamburgers!!!!

then i'm gonna put on some Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and blare that sh*t throughout the house

then i'm gonna strip off me clothes and jump in the pool...in the rain

 

f*ckin A - i love housesitting

eggs and country ham with orange danish rolls

or

cheap beer and whiskey?

 

btw, Quantum of Solace is badass....be sure to watch Casino Royale again before you see it though

so i didn't sleep at all last night

i laid in bed for about seven hours but i just couldn't sleep...something wasn't right

my Aunt Nellie passed away last night

it was her third week in a nursing home

why would anyone want to live when put in a place like that?

i don't want to go to another funeral

i don't want to stare into a coffin - the person i used to know is never in it

all that's left is a shell, a husk

i actually popped the top of 3 empty bottles sitting in my kitchen

hoping, hoping, hoping that there was something in them

i got 1 small swig and i savored it for a bit, swishing it around in my mouth



i've got 1/3 a bottle of Jack sitting in my pantry but it's just not the same....just not the same

will someone please tell morecowbell that i can't add him as a friend until he un-blocks me thanks

i honestly started considering suicide this morning

i planned out buying a gun, driving into the ocala national forest, hiking a few miles in and ending my life

it just seemed so much easier to kill myself than to wake up everyday to a life that i hate where i'm constantly sad and alone

after a few hours, the thought kinda passed though

that was the first time i had ever, ever, ever thought about suicide

i decided to go to church tonight, hoping to find something there

i didn't find anything, other than people in their clicks - i had 1 guy come up and shake my hand

you'd think that it would be okay to be introverted in a church - you'd think that being completely new and having no one know you, people would want to welcome you into their house of worship

during the singing, all i could think about was how alone i am and how much easier it would be to kill myself

i actually sat down and cried for a few minutes in the church while everyone else was smiling and singing

i don't know what to do

this is a good song.....listen to it

learn it, live it

MARRY IT!!!!

 

 

album just dropped last tuesday, btw....yay!!!!

i'm drunk and depressed

 

i've decided that i don't know how to connect with people

i have enough f*cking friends, i don't need anymore friends

people love to have me around because i'm edgy and i'm interesting and i turn your f*cking sh*tty party into a blast

but at the end of the night, no one ever wants to take me home

 

i'm fun to have sometimes have around - but no one wants me around all of the time

 

i can't help but feel that i have truly isolated myself

by educating myself, by asking questions, by not accepting the status quo - i have rendered myself completely unattractive to the opposite sex

 

before anyone chimes in with the f*cking lovey dovey sh*t - this is the internet, none of you know me in real life

none of you can touch me or hold me or snuggle with me after a bad day

 

and that's all i want in life - that's it - someone to f*cking love me and hold me and share affection with me

no words, just an understanding of me and accepting of me

 

the more i learn, the farther i get from this goal

i can't go back though

 

i'm destined to be alone, i know i am - i ask too many questions to live a f*cking happy, complacent life

i hate myself

cause i saw the featured question
and this band rules
and this song rules
and i love you for reading all my sh*t blogs about nothing important
you should hear this sh*t go off standing in line at the grocery store with elderly people all around me

 

f*ck

 

good g*d, ya'll

we need more bands like this in america