yeah, so | msterling45's Blog

i honestly started considering suicide this morning

i planned out buying a gun, driving into the ocala national forest, hiking a few miles in and ending my life

it just seemed so much easier to kill myself than to wake up everyday to a life that i hate where i'm constantly sad and alone

after a few hours, the thought kinda passed though

that was the first time i had ever, ever, ever thought about suicide

i decided to go to church tonight, hoping to find something there

i didn't find anything, other than people in their clicks - i had 1 guy come up and shake my hand

you'd think that it would be okay to be introverted in a church - you'd think that being completely new and having no one know you, people would want to welcome you into their house of worship

during the singing, all i could think about was how alone i am and how much easier it would be to kill myself

i actually sat down and cried for a few minutes in the church while everyone else was smiling and singing

i don't know what to do